Deadly Obsession
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: What happens when obsession turns deadly for one of the team? And when the stalker finally claims his prize, will the team be able to find her in time? Will they ever see her again? Or will she end up like all his other victims?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds

Deadly obsession

~ Prologue ~

~ "Love risks degenerating into obsession." ~

Elie Wiesel

I watch her across the street, the way she moves, the way she smiles at people passing by, the way she orders the same coffee's every single day. One day I will be the one buying her coffee, I will be the one she smiles at, I will be the one she talks to. I will be the only one she loves.

I carry on watching her as she drives off, on her way to work to see her stupid friends, the ones who think they will always protect her and themselves from the evil they see every single day. How are they supposed to protect her from love though? How do they expect to stop true love?

I follow her as I usually do, she can be so stupid sometimes, I always thought that she would have found out a long time ago. Or maybe one of her friends would have warned her, but I am far too clever for them. They don't even know, she hasn't even noticed me yet.

I see her sometimes in the street, and she smiles at me. She even said hello to me once in the coffee shop. I remember that day, it was one of the first times I just knew I had to have her, no matter what it took. And I will have her, I always get what I want.

And what I want is her.

**A/N: This chapter is just a little prologue, I promise you the next chapter is longer. I am getting bored with having hardly any reviews though, and I hate being that person who begs for reviews, so yeah I won't. But still, it would be amazing if you could all tell me if it's worth continuing? Or should I just forget about it? **

**Please, please, please let me know your opinions! I would hate to just carry on if y'all hate it. **


	2. She Will Be Mine

Disclaimer: As much as I want to, and no matter for how long I keep asking, I don't own Criminal Minds. A girl can dream though, and believe me … I have a Criminal Minds hoodie... beat that... it's mine... all mine... I am one step closer to owning this than any of you! Muahahaha!

~ Chapter One ~

~ "There is someone walking behind you, there is someone watching your footsteps. Turn around, look at me." ~

The Vogues

JJ sighed, looking around her small house. She bit her lip, deciding to double check all the doors were locked for the tenth time since she got in. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was someone watching her, she hadn't been able to in a long time but it just seemed to get worse with time. The longer she let it carry on, the worse it got.

"It's all okay, there is nobody there. Nobody." She whispered to herself, still keeping her gun close to her. She ran to her windows, closing the curtains slowly. She could feel tears running down her face as her whole body shook with fear, she could only hope she was overreacting, she could only hope this was all because of the case. She could only hope.

"You're not a victim, you're an FBI agent." She whispered, looking around the house once more when she was sure everything was locked and secure. She knew she should tell someone, she had been feeling like it for so long, always feeling like there was someone behind her, someone watching her, someone waiting for her. And as much as she tried to shake that feeling, it never seemed to go away.

"Over-active imagination, just like mum told you when you were younger." She would have laughed at the amount she had spoken to herself in the past month alone if she wasn't so scared. She thought about calling Morgan or Emily, anyone as long as she wasn't alone, but she was too scared to admit that she couldn't cope on her own because as scared as she was, she was still trying to prove her worth in the team. As terrified as she was, she still didn't want to appear weak. As much as she didn't want to die, as much as she wanted to be safe, she was still too stubborn to say anything to anyone. No matter what.

~ .. ~

She is starting to feel me there, she knows that I am watching her but she won't have to be scared of the unknown for long. Soon, I will make myself known to her. Soon, I will take her and she will stay with me forever.

I have spent three years, three whole years carefully planning out this plan. I have been safe, I have kept my distance until now. But soon, very soon, she will be mine. I can add her to my collection, she is not like the others though, she is so much stronger than any of those stupid women. They cried and cried, they refused to love me because I had taken them away from their lives – they never seemed to realize that I was doing them good. I loved them more than anyone else could, I loved them, I was the only thing that kept them safe and they didn't appreciate that. So I got rid of them one by one, until I finally found the perfect woman.

Jennifer Jareau will be mine. I will have her to myself, and she will fall in love with me. I don't want to hurt this one, I don't want to kill her like I did the others, she has to fall in love with me. She has to fall in love with me like I have her.


	3. Murder so sweet

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

**~ Chapter Two ~ **

**~ "Murder cannot be hid for long." ~ **

JJ walked into her office, slamming the door behind her before sitting down at her desk. She couldn't be bothered today, she was tired and most of all she was scared. She didn't even know what she was scared of, it was the constant feeling of being followed she guessed, but she knew she was just being stupid. She groaned when she heard a knock on her door,

"What?" She snapped, looking at Morgan as he walked in,

"Hotch guessed you weren't really in the mood, so he wanted me to tell you that we have a case... he didn't think you needed the added stress of choosing this time." He shrugged, looking at the woman nervously as he held out the coffee in his hands,

"Peace offering?" She rolled her eyes, grabbing the coffee out of his hands as she walked past him. She was annoyed because now people thought she couldn't even do her job thanks to her not being able to hide her feelings too well.

She didn't look at anyone as she walked into the boardroom, glad that Hotch was doing the briefing, she was tired and she didn't want to have to look everyone in the eyes after her outburst a few minutes ago. How could she explain to them that the only reason she had been in a horrible mood lately was because she thought she was being watched? She knew they would laugh at her, and tell her she was being stupid, she thought the same. But it was just one of those feelings she couldn't shake.

"Wheels up in five." Hotch finally said before walking out, JJ realized she had missed most of the briefing, shrugging because she knew it would be the talk of the plane, something she was thankful for because it meant the attention would be taken off her for once.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, lightly touching the blondes shoulder, making her jump slightly as she nodded, walking off without saying a word. Emily bit her lip in worry, wondering what was going on in her friends personal life that made her so snappy all the time.

"She will tell us when she is ready." Reid muttered, following JJ out of the building as Emily nodded, knowing he was right.

~ .. ~

I watched her as she walked out of the building with her team not so far behind her, she kept away from them and I found myself burning with excitement at the thought of being able to have her all to myself now that she was arguing with them. This is what I had wanted all along.

I sighed as I knew she was going away again, I wouldn't see her beautiful face until it popped up on the television again. I groaned, watching her get into the car before I drove away, knowing exactly how to amuse myself in the time she was gone.

As much as I hate it when she leaves me, sometimes it's good so I can look at some other women, it's never the same any more, I find myself comparing them all to her, and none of them are ever good enough.

I grin as I watch a blonde in her kitchen, I know she is the one tonight, I always allow myself at least two victims when she is gone, I need to be able to show her somehow. I need her to know how much I love her. I look around, seeing nobody in the street as I make my way towards my prey.

I grin as I get off of the woman, looking down at her small body, shaking with fear and sobs as she stares up at me, her eyes wide as she realizes that I am not going to let her live through this. I raise the knife above my head,

"Say goodbye." I snarl at her, plunging it down into her naked chest, laughing as the blood splatters everywhere, she screams in pain but I don't care, I raise it above my head again, plunging it into her stomach, and again, and again.

I stare into her glazed eyes, leaning down to lick the blood off her face before turning around, wondering what Jennifer's blood will taste like when I finally get a chance to taste it.

Nobody will get in our way, not even that stupid team that believes they can protect her from the evil they see everyday. I can show her a better life than anyone else can, I love her more than anybody else. We will be together, and soon.


	4. Twenty Four Hours To Go

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

**~ Chapter Three ~ **

**~ "Great danger is coming." ~ **

"Three women have been murdered in the past two weeks alone." JJ sighed as she put the photographs up on the board behind her, looking at the team,

"The police were unable to make the connection until now, as on the third body which was found last night, had a note pinned to her clothes." JJ brought up the photograph of the note,

"To my love, soon you will be mine." Reid read,

"So we're looking for a man who is looking to please a woman..." Rossi muttered,

"Someone who is so messed in the head he thinks that murdering other women will please her?" Morgan looked at the bodies on the board,

"All women were blonde with blue eyes, with successful jobs. They lived alone, with no children. They were all dedicated to their jobs, hardly having any time at home, giving the man time to stalk them. They found schedules of their days in the pockets of the victims, not in their hand writing either." She sighed, clicking another button to bring up the three scribbled down schedules,

"So he wants us to know that he has been stalking them?"

"And for a long time by the look of it." JJ watched as the team went through it between themselves – she seemed to be the only one who realized she had just described herself. She sighed, maybe she was being stupid, she thought. If they didn't think anything was wrong, that nothing would happen to her, then she was just being pathetic – looking for things that may not even be there.

Reid looked at the woman who was still standing there, deep in thought. He sighed, he wanted to know what was going on with her lately but she refused to open up to anyone. He decided soon after that it was none of his business, but it didn't stop him caring. He knew that she had basically described herself then, but he didn't want to alarm her. Nothing would happen to her, she was FBI after all. But then again, he never thought anything could happen to him but it did.

Soon they were on the plane, JJ was quiet, sitting alone as she had been doing for the past few months. She knew her friends were concerned about her, but she didn't even care any more. She just wanted to feel safe again, she hated the feeling that she was being watched constantly, it made her feel sick. She looked down at the cases, suddenly scared that it was the man she was sure had been watching her all these months. She wondered if she should say something, but not wanting to make the case about her she decided against it. She sat there for the rest of the flight, staring blankly out of the window, never really seeing anything as she tried to convince herself that she was being ridiculous.

~ .. ~

And there she goes, I knew it was a good idea to commit those murders out of town. Now, when she joins me, nobody will know where she is. We are going to be together soon. I wonder if she liked my present, should I let her know that they were all for her? Should I let the team know who my target is?

I shook my head, looking in my car mirror for a second, it was a danger if I let them knew. They would do everything to protect her and then I wouldn't even have a look in. I see the way Agent Hotchner looks at her, he wishes he could have a chance with her but the truth is, she only has eyes for me.

And Agent Morgan thinks of her as his little sister, he would kill me if he knew what I had planned for her. He has no idea what she likes and doesn't like though – only I know that. And of course, Doctor Reid, poor kid. He has no idea about his own feelings for her, I don't have to worry about him though, he is just some stupid kid who wouldn't act upon anything with the love of my life.

Of course, you have her best friends, Agents Prentiss and Garcia, they were of no danger to us though. Prentiss could hurt me if she wanted to, but I wouldn't hesitate in taking her down and of course Garcia never left her office most of the time, I could always attack her precious computers if she tried anything though.

I smiled to myself, holding up the photograph of my beloved agent and kissing her gently on the lips.

"Soon my love, very soon." I whisper to her, lightly grazing my fingers over her beautiful hair before putting it back down and getting out of my car. It was time to get her – in no less than twenty four hours, she would be mine. I would be hers. We're going to together. It's time.


	5. The Kiss

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Four ~ **

**~ "Time is up, my love." ~ **

The team looked over the body of the fourth victim, each of them sighing, watching as Reid picked up the note,

"Her time is up, and soon she will be mine. Say goodbye, my friends." He looked around the group, his eyes settling on JJ, wondering if this had been about her all along, he could tell the team was thinking the same thing as they followed his eyes to the woman who was trying to calm the press down.

"We need someone watching her around the clock, nobody tell her though, not at the moment. I don't want her to worry." Hotch looked at her, walking up to her slowly, he wondered if she already knew, if that was why she had seemed so scared recently. He shook the feeling off, JJ was fine, JJ was a big girl and she would tell them if she had a problem. Wouldn't she?

He sighed as he lightly touched her shoulder, nodding towards the group as they walked back to their cars, she nodded, not bothering to say anything to the pestering press as she walked away – not realizing how close Hotch stayed to her, with his hand on his gun ready to shoot at any moment.

"Was there a note?" She asked him as they walked back to the cars, he nodded a little and sighed, trying to convince himself he was making the right decision by keeping it from her.

"Well?"

"He said something about her time being up." He muttered, watching her face go impossible paler as she heaved a huge sigh,

"What is it?" He asked kindly, touching her arm and turning her to face him, both of them stopping in their tracks – it was then he saw the tears in her eyes before she looked at the ground to hide them.

"JJ, tell me." He whispered,

"I think he's after me." She admitted, looking back up as the tears she had been holding back finally fell down her face, he nodded, scared to tell her that everyone else thought the same, and then he did the one thing nobody had expected him to do – he wrapped the crying woman into his arms, hushing her as he rubbed her back. He looked back at the group and shook his head, signalling for them to go on without them,

"Sorry." She muttered, trying to pull away and pretend like nothing was wrong, he shook his head though, pulling her closer to him as he dragged her into the small alley way so nobody could see them.

He looked around before pushing her gently against the wall of a large building, leaning down to kiss her on the lips, she moaned in pleasure at the sudden contact, her arms wrapped around his neck as she asked for more. Hotch grinned at the woman when he finally pulled away, wiping away her tears with his thumbs,

"Thanks." She blushed,

"I won't let anyone hurt you, don't worry." He muttered, wrapping her into him once again, they had been seeing each other secretly for little over a month now and he was glad that nobody had found out yet, but then again if this guy was stalking JJ then he would know and it would all come out after this case. He sighed, breathing in the scent of strawberries in her gorgeous blonde hair, kissing her again before grabbing her hand and pulling her back out, not caring who saw them any more.

~ .. ~

I watch them as he pulls her away from the crowd, I look at how he looks at her.. damn I should have seen this before. How could she betray me like this? Doesn't she know that I am waiting for her? And then she starts to cry, why did he have to be there when she did that? Why did he have to be the one to hold her when her best friend was standing right over there.

I tried to control my anger as I clenched my fists, watching him drag her into that horrible alley way and kiss her, I should have known, this is why she wouldn't turn up at the house after a case sometimes! I should have kept a better eye on that whore. How could she do this to me? She is supposed to love me.

I hold the gun tight in my hands, stopping myself from ending all of this now. It doesn't matter, I mutter to myself, soon she is going to be mine, just mine. And it will be tonight. And I will kill anyone who tries to get in my way.


	6. She Is Mine

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Five ~ **

**~ "And now you're mine." ~ **

JJ sighed as she curled up into a tight ball, digging her nails into her arm as she tried to hold back the tears. Wrapping the blanket around herself, she looked into the night sky, wanting to get up and close the curtains to stop the shadows from making her jump every two seconds. She closed her eyes, biting down hard on her lip as she tried to think of something else,

"You're safe." She whispered to herself, it was taking every ounce of strength in her not to get out of bed and run to Hotch's room. She had promised him she would be okay on her own, she had never been the type to need someone to protect her and she wasn't about to start needing someone now. She sighed again, her eyes slowly opening as she turned around to face the closed door, willing for Hotch to walk through it, maybe he would know that she hadn't meant it when she said she wanted to be alone.

~ .. ~

I watch her as she turns in her sleep, and I know that it is time. I slowly creep into the room, she hadn't even seen me when she had looked out of the window, for an FBI agent she is not very observant. I laughed a little, shaking my head at how easy this was to get to her. I am so glad, after all this time, and now she is all mine and it is going to be so much easier than I could ever had dreamed of.

I grip the cloth tight in my hands as I stare at her, her eyes are closed finally and the tears that had fallen down her beautiful face have dried. She is waiting for me now, I smile at her as I touch her face.

"I love you." I whisper, brushing a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes, her eyelashes flutter slightly as I do so but she doesn't wake from her deep slumber. I sigh, I just want to kiss those gorgeous lips, as I lick my lips, getting ready for the kiss of my life, I remember who those lips have touched and I clench my fists. That whore betrayed my trust, I still love her though, but she will have to be punished.

I slam the cloth down on her face, watching her eyes open in shock as she takes in my appearance, shaking her head when she realizes what is going on. When she sees who I am. I put my finger to my lips and graze her face with my fingers, hushing her as I see the drugs take over her body and mind and her eyes close again.

I shake my head at her limp body as I leave the cloth on the bedside table, careful not to touch anything other than the woman laying on the bed, waiting for me to claim her as my own. And I do, she is mine now and nobody can take her away from me.

I look around the room, glad that they had picked the ground floor rooms in the small hotel. They should never have been so stupid, but then again, I would have found a way. Nothing gets in the way of true love, they should know that. Picking her up as I kiss her lips gently, I sneak back to the window, dropping her body out there before climbing out myself.

I grin when I walk her back to my car, I keep looking around me, making sure nobody is there to stop me. I keep my gun in one hand as I drop her into my car, kissing her again before wrapping her in a blanket and shutting the door.

And now her time is up, and we are together at last. And nobody can do anything about it.


	7. Hope

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Six ~ **

**~ "& now you're mine, all mine." ~ **

JJ looked around the small, cold, dark room. She shook her head as she looked down at the binds that tied her hands together, dark bruises forming from each time the metal had hit her pale skin. She sighed, sitting up to sit against the concrete wall, curled up in a tight ball, her bare feet laying on the dirty, hard mattress.

She wrapped her arms around herself, wincing as the metal cuffs sliced her skin open a little. She dug her fingernails into her exposed knees, slightly rocking herself back and forth. Slow tears ran down her grubby face, leaving a light line that exposed her pale skin through the mixture of dirt and mud.

She stared ahead of her at the blank, grey wall and nibbled a little on her lower lip, she wanted to scream for someone to save her, but the scream was stuck in her throat as more tears fell down and she was afraid that the scream would only come out as nothing more than a whimper.

She hated herself, she hated herself for letting this happen, for letting it get this far. She loathed herself for letting him win. She could feel her body shaking but she refused to tear her eyes away from the wall, hoping that if she stared at it for long enough then she could magically burn a hole in it and get out of her own personal hell.

She dug her nails further and further into her skin, taking in her situation. The tears started to fall heavily down her face, landing on her bare knees, dripping down her leg before fading away – just like she wished she could right then.

She cursed herself for not letting Hotch stay with her, or not letting someone else stay in the room with her. But then she knew that he would have hurt them – and she knew she would rather stay here for as long as she lived, rather than stay here, knowing that someone she loved, someone she was close to, was laying in a hospital or a morgue. She knew that at least this way, everyone was safe. Except herself.

Blood dripped down along with tears after a while, and she looked down at her knees in shock, gasping a little at the sight of the blood, taking a moment to realize where it had come from. She shook her head, letting the tears mix with the blood, leaving an almost pink trail to run down her leg, hitting the mattress in small droplets.

She wondered how much longer she could be left on her own, alone to think about what could possibly happen to her while she was here, alone to cry about those she had left behind. Isolated from everything and everyone that she loved.

She sighed, wrapping her arms around her knees, not caring when blood finally fell from her wrists in a large drop, hitting the cold, hard mattress. She smiled a little when she saw it, the blood was good, the pain was welcome, it all meant that she was still alive. It was the only thing that let her know that she was living, she was breathing. She clung into the pain with every ounce of strength she had, hoping that soon, very soon, they would find her and then Hotch would take her into his arms, telling her that everything would be okay. And she would believe him, she would look into his eyes, and she would believe every word he told her because she loved him.

She closed her eyes, her mouth twitching into a small smile as she pictured Hotch coming to rescue her. She knew it had to happen soon. He would never give up on her, and she would never give up on him. She kept her eyes closed, leaning her head against the wall, thinking about their relationship and how happy they had been before all of this. Hope was good, hope is good when it's all you have left.


	8. Red

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Seven ~ **

**~ "I don't love you back." ~ **

Hotch slammed his hand down on the table, looking around at his team members, his friends, his family. They could see the anger in his eyes before he turned around, this time his hand colliding with the wall behind him.

He shook his head, clenching his fist as he thought about what had happened three days ago. He knew he should have stayed with her, he should have known better. He should have placed someone in that room with her, there was so much more he could have done and he did nothing. He just assumed she would be safe because of her gun, he assumed she would be safe because she had insisted he leave her alone. He had assumed and he was wrong.

Emily looked at her boss in shock, he was usually so calm, he never let Reid's kidnapping effect him, as much as she knew it had, but then she knew that although he loved Reid like a son, he loved JJ so much more, and in a different way. None of them would ever forgive themselves if anything happened to her, they knew they had to find her soon. Nothing could happen to her, she was strong, she would be safe... she kept trying to convince herself, they all did. But deep down, they knew it wasn't true.

Hotch looked down at the floor, and then towards the board, JJ's face smiling back at him, the words missing written above her photograph in large, red letters. He sighed, red meant danger, red meant blood, red meant rage, anger, hate. He shook his head, refusing to let the tears fall from his eyes as he looked up at the words. Red also could mean courage, determination, strength and love.

"Just hang in there." He whispered to the photograph, his fingers dancing lightly along her beautiful smile, ignoring the group behind him. For once in his life Hotch didn't care, he no longer cared that he was showing his true feelings in front of people he would have to work with, he didn't care about anything other than getting her back any more.

"We're going to find her, she's strong, she knows we will find her." Emily smiled, trying to convincer herself as well as those around her, as she stood up and put a hand on Hotch's shoulder. He nodded, his fingers leaving JJ's face as he turned around, muttering something about needing some time alone before walking out.

He looked around the bathroom, kicking a wall as tears fell down his pale face, she was gone and he had no idea how to help her. He knew this guy was obsessed with her, he killed for her, he was in love with her but that didn't help with the case, none of that told them where she was.

He heaved a deep sigh, looking at himself in the mirror as he raised his fist to punch it, he hated himself so much right then. He hated himself for leaving her alone, he hated himself for thinking that everything would be okay. He hated himself for giving into her so easily. Yeah, she wouldn't have been speaking to him if he or someone else stayed with her, but at least she would be safe. At least she would be in his arms when they had caught the guy. But no, she was alone with that guy and at the moment none of them had anything to go on to find them.

He let his hand drop, turning away from the mirror as more tears fell down his face. He should have known this would happen, he should have protected her and now she was alone and she was scared, and anything could happen to her. Anything.


	9. Month

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eight ~ **

He watched her as he walked into the room, a tray full of her favourite food and some coffee. He watched her as she just sat there, pretending to not even notice him in the room, looking at the wall in front of her. He saw the blood dripping down her wrist, and the dried blood that had fell down her leg from cuts he couldn't see yet.

He heaved a deep sigh as he took in her pale face, her hollow eyes with dark circles underneath gave away the lack of sleep since she had been there. He almost kicked himself for letting her do this to herself, the one thing that had attracted him to her in the first place was that sparkle in her ocean blue eyes, and now that sparkle was gone. That was gone, along with the woman he fell in love with.

He placed the tray down on the floor, smiling a little at the woman who looked as though the slightest touch would break her. He noticed her eyes flicker towards the food, wrinkling her nose a little before turning her eyes back to the wall. He wondered what she was thinking, how much she hated him right then. This wasn't right though, she was supposed to love him. She was supposed to love him as much as he loved her.

"Jennifer?" He whispered, kneeling down and smiling at her when she looked at him, nothing but terror in her eyes. Her eyes turned to the gun he held by his side, which he quickly put in his pocket, lifting both of his hands up.

"I won't hurt you." She didn't say anything, she just sat there, staring at him. She wanted to scream, she wanted to tell him that he already had hurt her. The very fact that she was here, away from those she loved, had hurt her more than anything else in the world ever could.

"It's all going to be okay now. You're safe with me." He reached out for her, just to brush that golden hair out of her face, quickly pulling it back towards his own body when she flinched.

"You will understand soon." He mutters, picking up the glass of coffee and smiling as he handed it to her, she looked from him to the coffee for a moment, she knew she was thirsty and she knew that she had to cling onto the strings of life for a little while longer – just until the team worked on a profile and then found her. She knew they would come soon, they always did.

Her hand shook as she took the cup, her eyes wandering to the other side of the room as he watched her, waiting for her to take a sip from the warm drink. She looked back at him for a minute, taking a small sip, closing her eyes as the warm liquid ran down her throat. She held it closer to her, seeking any sense of warmth she could.

He noticed the way she shivered, panic rising through him as he got up and ran back up the stairs. JJ watched him run, wondering what was wrong with him.

"I am so sorry." He muttered, running back down with a large, pink blanket. She bit down on her lip, shuddering as he wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked up at him, confused. Why was he being so nice to her?

She looked down at the cup, trying to hold back the tears.

"You're going to love me one day." He smiled at her, sitting down on the mattress next to her, she looked at him, knowing where this was going – they had seen this before. He had fallen in love with her, she may have seen him around, she may have even spoken to him before, whatever she said or did he thought she loved him.

"I don't love you, and I never will. You can keep me here for as long as you want, but I will never fall in love with you." She looked him in the eyes, tears running down her milky white cheeks as she did,

"Look, we will make a deal, okay?" She nodded, unsure of what else she should do,

"I will keep you here for a month, and if you still don't love me then I will let you go." JJ looked away from him, a whole month, it seemed like a lifetime to her but she agreed anyway. She would never fall in love with him, both of them knew that, no matter how much he bought her, no matter what he said or did. She would always love Hotch. And deep down, he knew that as well.


	10. Hopelessness

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Nine ~ **

JJ looked down at her arms, tears falling down her face, she had no idea which was worse – sitting here waiting for him to do something to her, or sitting here after being hurt by him. She shook her head, at least she was safe – this way, when Hotch came to get her, she would be okay. She hoped.

She looked over at the desk in the corner of the room, walking over to it slowly as she picked up the diary he had left for her to write in two weeks ago. She sighed at the thought, two whole weeks had gone by and still nothing.. the team hadn't found her yet.

She sat down on the chair, picking up the pen and started to write in it, just like she did every single day. She bit down on her lip hard as more tears fell down her face, she didn't want to be here and if he stayed true to his word, she had two more weeks left.

She looked over in the corner of the room where he had put the television, people were looking for her, it was all over the news but she knew that the reports would soon die down and then they would start fading away completely. And then she would be nothing but a memory, a memory that turned up in the papers once every six months just to say that she was still missing. What had happened to Jennifer Jareau?

She shook her head, what was going to happen to Jennifer Jareau? He scared her even though he hadn't done anything to her, he didn't even touch her without asking her permission first. That was what scared her the most, if she wasn't here so he could hurt her, then why was she here?

She looked down at the page in front of her, writing slowly as she thought about it,

_It's been two whole weeks and I am still here – I don't know what he wants from me. Does he actually expect me to love him? Does he not understand that I love Aaron? Does he not understand that by taking me away from everyone I love is only hurting me more than he could ever imagine?_

_I just want to go home, I just want to be around my own things, I just want Aaron to take me in his strong arms and tell me that everything is going to be okay. It's so cold and lonely here, I just want to be loved by those I love back. I want to feel safe again, and I don't feel safe her. I will never feel safe here. _

_The news reports are going down already, I said they would. They have gone from one every hour, to one every day. Soon it will be one a week, and then only when they have leads... I am starting to give up hope already – something I promised myself I wouldn't do – I look at the television, at all my friends and I can tell they have given up hope as well. They have nothing, nothing to go on, nothing to save me. I have nobody. I am nobody. _

_I wish I could fade into these walls, I wish I could close my eyes and never wake up. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare that I know is reality. I wish... I wish... _

She looked down at the page again, splashing the ink with her tears before closing the book and putting it back on the desk. She sighed, getting up off the seat to go back over to the bed, wrapping the blanket around herself as she watched Strauss on the news, begging for the return of her agent.

She closed her eyes when she saw the faces of the team she loved like her own family – the loss and the hopelessness was evident in their eyes, and she thought for a moment; if they have given up, then I may as well do the same. After all, she was now clinging onto the hope of being rescued, the hope of him letting her go, by a tiny thread, and it was about to break at any moment. Hope was gone, and instead fear replaced it. She was scared of what was about to come, would this be the room she would die in? Would his face be the last she saw? Would it all be over quickly? Could she just pretend to love him and then hope she could escape?

She shuddered, laying down as more tears found their way down her face, she looked at Hotch as he stared at Strauss. She could see those unspoken words in his face,

**I am so sorry JJ, we can't find you. **

**We have nothing.**

**If it carries on like this, then we are going to give up,**

She closed her eyes at the thought, finally letting go of the hope she had held onto for two weeks. They would never find her, she would die here. Maybe they would find her dead body in a few months, maybe they would find her in a few years. She sighed, digging her nails deep into her arm. Hope was lost on her, hope faded when her friends did. Her desire to be saved soon, disappeared when she looked into the man she loved so much eye's and saw nothing but the word sorry.

There was nothing they could do for someone who had disappeared off the face of this earth. There was nothing they could do to help her.

So why should she help herself?


	11. If

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Ten ~ **

He watched her as she slept, her eyes fluttered and a light moan escaped her lips as she moved from side to side, dreaming of some unexplained nightmare which he could only imagine. He picked up her diary, reading through it slowly, anger taking over his body as he read those words over and over again,

**I will never love him**

He sees it at least once on every page, she was never going to love him. She had been here for three whole months already, and she still hadn't fallen for him. Nothing had gone to plan, he had everything planned out with this one – **she was the one. **She was going to be the last one, she was going to be the one who stayed with him. She would be the one to live. And now, she only had a few months left, and it was up to her if she lived or died.

He clenched his fist, shaking his head as he watched her just laying there – probably dreaming about him. The man he wasn't, the man he would never be able to compare to according to the girl he loved more than anything else.

He went over to her, kneeling down next to her, not able to resist smiling when he reached out to touch her face. He moved her beautiful, blonde locks out of her ocean blue eyes. He could feel her body shaking as she became aware of the fact that he was right there and then.

He could see the fear in her eyes as she looked up at him, she had been waiting for this moment, she had been waiting for him to hurt her. He hadn't touched her in three whole months, and now was the time. Now was the time he showed her that she wouldn't get away with this. He wasn't going to be nice anymore.

She bit her lower lip, tears falling down her face as she closed her eyes again, hoping that he would just leave her alone. But this time it wasn't going to happen, this time he wasn't going to leave her alone, he was going to make her pay for hurting him.

"Get up." He whispered, smiling when she nodded and started to unwrap herself from the blankets and sit up, he stood up quickly, watching as she did the same. He had her backed against a wall now, and he knew that she could see that something had changed.

"How dare you hurt me?" He snarled at her, raising a fist to punch her hard in the face. She gasped when the fist made contact with her face, her hand made contact with her swollen cheek as she looked up at him, tears falling down her face as she looked down at the floor.

"I-I d-don't.." He looked at her, taking a moment to realize that the woman hadn't actually said a word in over two months, he could hear the slight croak in her voice as she tried her best to speak to him, her eyes drifted away from him and towards the wall she seemed to take such an interest in.

"I read your stupid little diary, how dare you cheat on me with that man?" She shook her head, biting down hard on her lip, screaming in pain when he hit her again... and again.

He watched over her limp body laying there bleeding on the concrete floor. He shook his head, he had started to hit her until he couldn't stop. It just carried on and on, and then there was no going back. All that anger had come out and now there she was, laying there on the floor, close to death.

He kicked her one more time before picking up her body and laying her on the mattress. He kissed her lightly on the lips before shaking his head and walking out of the room. She was such a perfect woman up until now, she was going to be the only one who made it but if she carried on like this, then she wouldn't be lasting that much longer. She would have to be on her best behaviour from now on if she wanted to live.

And **if **was a big word in that sentence.

**A/N: I am going away until the 7th July, so unless I get about 6+ reviews I won't be updating until then. **

**You have 22 hours ;)  
**


	12. Black

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eleven ~ **

JJ opened her eyes slowly as her whole body shook through the strain of just trying to get up. She looked around, noticing that everything in her room had gone – the television, the chair, the desk and her diary. She winced when she sat up and curled up in the corner, she noticed the nice clothes he had bought her were gone and instead she had been put in a grey nightgown. She sighed, she didn't care that everything had been taken away from her and she didn't care that he was no longer going to treat her. But she did care that after three months she was stuck here.

She rocked herself back and forth, her arms wrapped tight around herself as she ignored every single ache and pain running through her body. She bit down hard on her lower lip and shook her head, tears ran down her bruised and pale face as she tried to think of a way out of this.

She looked up the stairs and at the door, smiling a little to herself as she thought about getting away from him, running into Hotch's arms and letting him hold her all night and telling her everything is okay. She could imagine his kisses on her lips, whispering that he loved her into her ear. She could almost feel him brushing her hair out of her eyes and smiling down at her, telling her that he never gave up on her.

She slowly stood up, standing at the bottom of the stairs to get ready for him, she knew she would have to run, she knew it had to be today. She sighed and nibbled a little on her lower lip as more tears fell down her face, she smiled when the door opened and got ready to pounce on him or something.

She tried her best to smile at him, and he grinned in return. She watched him walk down the stairs, wondering why he didn't think about bringing a weapon. She took a step back when he got to the bottom, watching as he placed the tray of food down onto the floor for her. She took her shot then, grabbing a wooden plank she saw in the corner of the room, smiling as it made contact with his head – hard.

And then she ran. She ran as fast as she could, away from her own personal hell. She ran and ran, grabbing onto the door handle, crying out when she realized it was locked. She screamed, banging onto the door hoping that somebody would hear her and save her from this.

And then there was a shout and then she felt something make contact with the back of her head. And then it was black, everything was black and she found herself hoping that it would stay that way.


	13. Crazy

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Twelve ~ **

JJ sat in the corner of the room, her arms wrapped around herself as she rocked back and forth. She stared blankly ahead of her, refusing to let any tears fall down her face as she looked at the blank wall in front of her.

She considered the thought that she was going mad, she constantly found herself thinking about it. She sighed as she thought about it, who could blame her for going crazy in this place?

She dug her nails into her arms and banged her head hard against the wall behind her, she didn't care about the pain anymore, she didn't care about anything other than the fact that she was still in here while the man she loved was out there. And worst of all the man she hated was upstairs.

She bit down on her lip, it had been five whole months since he had taken her, she looked at the newspaper he had left on the floor for her while glaring at her because she never loved him like he had planned.

She was dreading today, it was the fifth month anniversary and she knew that she had to do something, she had planned this for over three weeks now and she had only just managed to get the guts to do it but the truth was, she was scared but she had nothing else to lose, she had to do this.

She looked up at him as he walked down the stairs, standing up to look at him. She smiled at him, walking over to him when he put down the tray,

"Hey." He blushed as she put her hand on his chest and played a little with his tie,

"I think I love you." She whispers, trying to hide the trembling in her voice as she leans in closer to his face, feeling sick when she let her lips land on his. She stopped herself from crying when he slipped his tongue between her lips, slipping his hand up her top as he leaned in even closer, causing her to stumble back a little.

She could feel her body freezing as he went to slip her top off, she knew he felt it too.

"Do you think this is going to make me let you go?" He shouted at her, stepping back a little as he glared at the now shaking woman in front of him as she shook her head and bit down hard on her lip, tears now falling down her face.

"You stupid cow! Who do you think you are? Do you think you can just play with my feelings like this?" She screamed when he punched her hard in the face, knocking her down to the ground, causing her to whimper in pain when she heard a loud crack when her arm hit the floor.

"Did you think you would get away with this?" She shook her head, not knowing what else to do as he towered over her, kicking her hard in the ribs,

"Well? Did you!?"

"N-n-n..." She stuttered, tears running down her face as she tried to ignore the kicks and punches,

"S-s-s-sorry..."

"I am going to show you, I am going to have you." She looked up at him, knowing that she did have something to lose, she wished she could turn back time and never go through with the plan – she wondered if this was going to be the time she died. She decided then that it was the best option at the moment.

She cried loudly when he yanked her by her hair, over to her mattress. She shook her head when he pulled down this pants, realizing then what was going to happen to her. After five whole months the moment she had been dreading was coming and she had no idea what to do about it because she had brought this on herself.


	14. Goodbye

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

She screamed loudly, she knew he could hear her despite the door being closed. She screamed again and again, hoping to God that someone would hear her one day. Hot tears ran down her pale cheeks and she didn't bother to wipe any of them away as they landed on her bare feet.

She clenched her hands into fists and screamed as loud as she could, banging on the door over and over again. She finally slid down onto the floor, crying before huddling into a tight ball, rocking herself back and forth as she carried on crying out, her hand hitting the door every now and again.

Her body shook with the realization it had been nine months, nine whole months in her own version of hell. She shook her head, more tears falling down her face as she cried harder,

"Why don't you just kill me already?" She screamed at him, she knew he was on the other side of the door, waiting for a time when he could walk in. She knew how stupid he was, she had tried to kill him six times and he hadn't even tied her down, she bit down on her lip when the door started to unlock and she stood up slowly.

"What have I told you?!" He turned to face her, shouting out in pain when she brought her fist to his face and tried to run again, he laughed at her before grabbing her now tiny frame and yanking her down the stairs into her room by her hair.

"I have told you before Jennifer."

"Please kill me." She whispered to him, tears fell down her face when he threw her down on the mattress, she couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't take another day of this. He shook his head and grinned,

"Soon my darling, soon." She cried out when he climbed on top of her. She hated this.

~ .. ~

She opened her eyes again when he was done, watching him walk out as tears ran down her face. She clutched her stomach as hunger rippled through it again – she hadn't eaten a thing in little over three months apart from the nibbles of bread she took when things got too much. She knew she was a mere shadow of the JJ her friends had known nine months ago but she didn't care, she would never see them again.

She shook her head and stood up, looking around the room for something... anything. Her eyes settled on the glass he had left for her a few days ago before he gave up on her ever eating or drinking now. She smiled to herself as she ran up to it, smashing it down hard onto the concrete floor.

She smiled to herself – she was still in control, she was going to chose if she died or lived. She walked back to the mattress and took the glass to her wrist, looking up at the door and looking back down as she dug it into her pale skin as hard as she could, she did it again and again. Smiling down at the blood before deciding she had done enough, she hid her wrists under the blanket and lay down, closing her eyes.

"**Goodbye." **She whispered, hoping this would be the last time she saw this life, this room, his face. Longing for this to be the last time she felt his body on hers, his fist making contact with her face. Hoping this was the last time for everything.


	15. The Team

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than the story, this is my attempt of pretending I own it all. **

**A/N: To avoid all confusion, the next few chapters are going to be the team. **

**Basically what has gone on in the nine months JJ has been gone. **

**~ Five months in ~ **

Hotch looked over at the photograph on the board and shook his head, it had been five whole months, five whole months of hell. He looked down at the floor before walking over to the board, his eyes wandering over the name on the board before lifting up his hand to touch her beautiful face, that smile he was so sure he would never see again.

"She is still alive." He jumped at the voice behind him, surprised when he saw a red-eyed Penelope Garcia sitting down, he hadn't noticed her when he walked into the bullpen. He shook his head,

"Is she?"

"I can feel it, we're best friends... we tell each other everything. I know so much about her, she's like a little sister to me and I would do anything for her and vice versa. I know she is still alive."

"I hope so." She nodded, walking over to him, hesitating a moment before wrapping her arms around him. He sighed when he did the same to her, JJ's kidnapping had taking it's toll on everyone. Garcia and Emily had become closer since, spending almost every waking moment with each other, laughing about something JJ had told them once and thinking about all the good times they had together.

Morgan had isolated himself from everyone and anyone around him, he would sit at his desk and stare at the team photograph that had been taken on a night out that he and JJ had insisted they have about two weeks before she went missing. Morgan had his arms around JJ and both of them were completely drunk and grinning at the camera, the rest of the team were around them all smiling and laughing but JJ always seemed to stand out to everyone.

Reid sat on his own most of the time, talking to himself as he went over the case notes over and over again, writing down something every now and again but otherwise coming up with nothing.

Rossi locked himself in his office and hardly ever came out, they all knew he was in there looking up the case over and over again – just like Reid.

Hotch had taken three months off and spent the whole time with Jack. Haley had known JJ and she knew how heartbroken her ex husband was over the possibly dead woman, she had let him take him off on holiday for the whole time with no complaint. They all thought he would come back changed, a little happier and ready to start new cases but he came back worse.

He would lock himself in the office with a photograph of him and JJ with Jack at the beach, it had only been taken a few days before she went missing – just before the case. He would touch her face lightly, looking into her eyes as she smiled and tried to read her eyes, just in case there was something there.

He would look over the files trying to find something someone else may have missed, always coming up empty handed. He would come out of his office, not looking or speaking to anyone else in the building as he walked into the bullpen – the same times every single day, six times – and he would stare at the board, looking for something new but never seeing anything. He would smile a little at her photograph before locking himself in his office again.

He held back the tears now as Garcia held him, she sniffled a little before pulling away and looking at the photograph of her best friend.

"She's going to be okay, we will find her." She whispered before walking out and into her own office where she spent most of her time nowadays.

Strauss looked at the BAU as she walked through the office, frowning when she thought about what she was going to do. She had a heart, but she knew this was for the best. She needed the BAU back and it was never going to happen unless they snapped out of the depression the whole team had found themselves in for the past five months.

She shook her head before calling all of them to her office, biting down on her lip as she tried to think of the reactions. She sighed when they all knocked on her door only five minutes later, none of them sitting when she asked.

She looked at every single one of them before sighing and looking down at the desk,

"I need you off the Jareau case." She finally said,

"We are closing the case." She bit down on her lip, waiting for the shouts of anger, surprised when none came. Tears fell down all their faces but they looked down at the ground to hide them,

"What if we refuse to stop working it?" Emily finally asked, looking up at the woman and shaking her head,

"Then I am afraid that all of you will not be able to work here anymore."

"Fine with me, it's not the BAU without JJ anyway." Morgan muttered,

"I am not giving up on her." Reid whispered,

"You can't make us stop looking for her." Garcia looked at the woman and shook her head, there was on way in hell she was ever going to give up on her best friend.

"I am never going to give up on her, it could be a whole ten years and I will still look for her." Rossi slammed his hand down on the desk, causing them all to jump a little. Hotch nodded,

"I am afraid you're going to have to fire us then." Strauss nodded,

"I want all of you to hand in your guns and badges now." They nodded, taking them off and putting them on her desk,

"We won't stop looking." Hotch muttered before walking out of there, his head held high as his team followed him.


	16. A Possible Lead

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ 6 months in ~ **

"We need to find her, it's been six months." Hotch slammed his hand down on the desk and looked at the photographs they had taken from the board a month ago and put in their own office in his home. He sighed and then shook his head, they should have found her by now.

"Hotch I know I have said this before but we need to consider the possibility that -"

"Don't you dare say it okay? I would know if she was dead! Don't even go there." Hotch turned around, kicking the wall as hard as he could as he tried his best to stop the tears falling down his face, he would know if she died. He loved her so much, he would know.

"Hotch, calm down." Rossi put his hand on the man's shoulder and shook his head, none of them wanted to think about their friend and colleague being dead.

"She's going to be okay, she has to be okay." He muttered, shaking his head and looking back at the board.

"Right, what do we have so far?" Reid finally asked, looking down at the file he held in his hands as he tried to break the tension in the room,

"We know he was stalking her, what we don't know is for how long."

"As soon as we find out how long, we can find out when she met him and therefore have a list of suspects." Emily frowned,

"Did anyone notice when JJ started to change a little?"

"I don't know, the first time she told me that she thought someone was watching her was about a year and a half before she went missing." Hotch visibly paled at the thought of his girlfriend being stalked for that long,

"I told her to put extra locks on her doors and windows and if she saw anyone or felt it again then she would have to tell you but she never mentioned it again until a year later when she told me that she saw someone in her bushes." Garcia bit down on her lip, blaming herself for not doing anything about it,

"Okay so that was six months before, that was when she called me and asked me to check it out. I stayed with her for a week and there was nothing and when I took a look around the house I found nothing except a stray dog. She was convinced that was what it was and she never mentioned anything again, not to me anyway." Morgan finished for her, putting his arm around Garcia, knowing that nobody was to blame for this massive mess.

"When I went over her house to sleep about four months before she went missing, one of the doors was unlocked.. she looked terrified and looked around to see if anything was missing and then when there was nothing gone, she locked it again and then said nothing about it." Emily sighed, they had gone over this so many times, it was hard enough they all blamed themselves at certain points in time when they could have done something to avoid all of this.

"So at the moment let's base this on starting a year and a half ago, give me that list of people she may have spoke to again." Reid shook his head,

"What if we are looking at this the wrong way?"

"What do you mean?"

"We have gone through suspects, police officers, members of family of those we have put away... everyone but the press..." Hotch nodded,

"Why didn't we think of this before?" He muttered, turning around to look at the photograph on the board of the woman he loved more than anything. He shook his head again and then bit down on his lower lip,

"What cases did we have in December two years ago?"

"Why December?"

"He took her for a reason at the end of December, let's go on the theory that on the date he took her, that was the date he met her two years ago." Garcia nodded, turning back to her computers and typing quickly,

"We were on the Lewis case – five teenage girls had been murdered, massive press coverage."

"That was the case JJ almost collapsed from exhaustion." Hotch muttered mostly to himself,

"The press were all over that piece, there could be hundreds of people." Morgan groaned, turning around to punch the wall, biting down hard on his lip when he thought about the woman he considered to be his little sister at the hands of some man who was completely obsessed with her.

"Well then we will go through hundreds of people, whatever it takes to find her, we are not going to give up." They all nodded, getting up to get ready to go through the whole amount of press that was covering that case.

Hotch smiled as he thought about finally having some sort of lead, and he was going to check everyone out until they found her – no matter how long it took.


	17. Finding Her

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Nine months in ~**

Hotch clutched the wheel as hard as he could, they had finally hit the last man on the list, he was torn between wanting this to be their guy and not because if it was it meant that JJ was always there, if they had gone from the bottom of the list to the top then they would have found her six months ago – he would hate himself.

He shook his head and tried to stop the tears that were about to fall down his face, this was the only lead they had and she just had to be there. She had to be alive, she had to be okay.

He looked at Garcia as tears fell down her face, he knew that they all blamed themselves for not being able to see the signs, for not being able to help her. He knew that if she was dead then none of them would ever forgive themselves, nothing would ever be the same again.

Garcia looked down at the list in her hands, if this was their guy then he had been here all along, they could have found her ages ago. She shook her head as tears dripped down her face, it never should have been like this. She wanted her best friend back, she wanted to hold her in her arms once more and tell her that it was going to be okay. She wanted to stay up late with the woman and giggled about their latest celebrity crushes like they had done so many times.

She looked behind her at Reid who seemed to be deep in thought, he looked up and quickly turned away, looking out of the window as he tried to think about the woman he considered to be his big sister. He closed his eyes at the thought of her no longer being on this earth, he could feel his body shaking at the thought of her not being alive. He had no idea how he had managed to cope – if you could call it coping – without her for so long now. He knew that if she was gone then nothing would ever be the same again, at least this way they could still tell themselves that she was still alive.

Emily looked over at Reid before turning back to the window, she sighed when she thought about another person being lost forever. This should never have happened, they should have been able to protect her from this. She bit down hard on her lower lip as she tried her best to stop the tears, she knew it wasn't going to work when they toppled over and fell down her face. She couldn't imagine a life without her best friend, JJ and Garcia were the closest things she had ever had to sisters and her life without JJ would never be the same. JJ was the first person to accept her into the team and Emily would never forget that, Emily would never forget her.

She looked behind her at the car that was following them, Rossi was driving while Morgan looked as though he was barely containing his anger. Rossi gripped onto the steering wheel as he stared ahead, he knew he had to keep this situation under control if this was their guy. He knew that there wasn't one person on this team who wasn't willing to murder this guy, he had to make sure nothing happened.

Morgan gripped onto the seat as he glared down at the floor, if this was their guy then he sure as hell wasn't going to make it out of this unscathed. He was going to make sure he paid for anything he had done to JJ. He shuddered a little at the thought of JJ being dead, she couldn't. She was strong, she had to be alive. She had to hang onto this life with every last piece of hope she had, she would never give up would she?

Hotch slammed the car door behind him as he waited for Rossi to pull up and walked towards the house. He looked over at the older agent for a moment, he knew that he was the most clear headed agent on the team for now, he had never been given the chance to get to know JJ like everyone else had. He hadn't been able to drink with her, laugh with her, he hadn't seen that sparkle of hope in her eyes when she thought about finding a victim, or that dim light that everyone else saw when they let someone down.

Rossi had never been able to talk with JJ properly, he had never been able to just look her in the eyes and see how much passion for the job was held in them. Hotch only hoped that Rossi would still have the chance to see the JJ they all loved and missed.

He nodded at Morgan to kick down the door when there was no answer, none of them cared about the laws or rules anymore, none of it mattered to them because they were on a mission to find their liaison. They were on a mission to bring her back home, back where she belonged.

Morgan was the first to spot the man as he tried to run, he took him down with ease and glared at him – all of them could just smell the blood in the house. They frowned at each other before searching the house, none of them giving up until they heard a heartbreaking scream coming from the basement.

"Garcia?" Hotch ran towards the scream, shaking his head when he saw why. His beautiful angel was laying in her own pool of blood, her face was completely pale, her lips a light shade of blue.

"Is she breathing?" Garcia nodded a little and took a step back when Hotch felt JJ's pulse, it was weak but at least it was there. She could be okay, she could live through this.

Tears fell down his face when he heard Rossi on the phone, shouting down the other end for someone to get here as soon as possible. He clung onto her as tight as he could and rocked back and forth, she couldn't die.

"She did it to herself!" He heard from above him, he shook his head and looked at the glass that was laying on the floor. He bit down on his lip as he realized that JJ had given up on them, she had given up hope.

**A/N: Let's put this to a vote, what would make you like this story more? **

**If JJ lived?**

**Or if she died? :)**

**Please review and let me know, the sooner you tell me then the sooner I can write it **


	18. Waiting

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

Hotch gripped onto her hand as tight as he could as tears ran down his face. He didn't bother wiping them away as he stared at her deathly pale face, he watched the machine next to her – helping her breath. Before letting his eyes settle on her chest, the soft rise and fall of it comforted him because it meant that she was still alive, she could be okay.

He didn't blame her for giving up, he could never blame her for that. He would have done the same if he was locked in that tiny room for nine months with nobody to talk to and nothing to do. He would have gone out of his mind, as he was sure JJ did.

He smiled down at her and kissed her hand gently as he brought it to his lips. She always liked to have something to do, she liked to be busy. That place must have driven her to the edge. He looked down at her whole body, remembering everything the doctor had told them about the extent of her injuries.

He remembered sitting there, looking at the woman he loved and shaking his head, repeating it over and over in his head. _She was raped, more than once. _He bit down on his lip as he thought about it again, that man had raped her almost every night. He shook his head mostly in anger this time as he thought about what it would feel like to wrap his hands around that guys neck and squeeze the life out of him. If only he would be able to do that.

"It's going to be okay, we are all going to help you through this when you wake up. I know it's going to take a long time for you to recover from this but I promise you that I am going to do everything I can to make sure that you are alright again." He whispered, hoping that somewhere in there JJ could hear him and she was longing to open her eyes to let him know that she was going to be okay.

He waited for a moment, sighing when there was no movement from her and letting his head rest on the bed, he closed his eyes and tried to think about the time when they were happy – before all of this happened.

One man had ruined their lives and Hotch had no idea how he could help the woman laying there right now, he had no idea what to say to her when she woke up. How could he assure her that it was going to be okay, when he had no idea what she had been through? He could never even imagine having to go through that, none of them could.

He bit down on his lip as more tears fell down his face, he had never cried so much in his life as he had these past nine months. He had missed her, he blamed himself for not looking after her properly. And now here she was, after nine months, and he had no idea if she was ever going to recover from this.

- - - - -

Garcia grabbed Emily's hand as they both sat outside, they wanted to be in there but they knew that Hotch needed to be alone with JJ right now. They looked at each other for a moment, both of them turning away to face the white wall opposite them.

They knew that JJ was going to need so much help to get through this, they knew that they would both have to be strong enough to help her. They knew that she needed them.

"We are going to be able to do this right?" Garcia whispered to Emily, looking her in the eye for the first time in months,

"I hope so, we need to.. for JJ's sake." Garcia nodded in agreement, biting down on her lower lip as she thought about her best friend being locked in that room for nine months, at the beck and call of some psycho who could have done anything to her at any point – if only they had gone from the bottom of the list.

- - - - -

Reid didn't bother looking up at anyone from his position on the floor as he leaned against the wall. He wondered if he would be able to help JJ more than the others here because he knew what it was like to be taken away from everything he loved – he could only hope that JJ hadn't picked up any bad habits while she was there like he had.

He bit down hard on his lip as he thought about the state they had found her in. The blood dripped down her wrist and he had found himself wondering if she was actually going to make it.

He had looked around the room, or the prison cell was a better name for it. There was a grubby mattress which was covered in blood and dirt in the corner of the room with a small blanket covering it. A small desk was on the other side which looked brand new, there was nothing else in the room but JJ laying there in the middle of the floor – about to die.

He knew that was one image he would never be able to get out of his head.

- - - - -

Morgan looked over at Rossi as they both sat down, he respected the man for being able to be so level headed about the whole thing but he just wished he would show some emotion for the woman Morgan had always thought of as a little sister.

He shook his head and looked down at his bleeding fists, he had punched a wall earlier after he found out what that psycho had done to JJ. He couldn't believe it, their JJ, she was so strong and so feisty – he had honestly believed that she would make it through this. But now doubt filled his mind, he wondered if anyone could actually make it through something like that. He could only hope that they would be the lifeline that JJ was able to cling onto for as long as she could until she felt a little better, he could only wish that they gave her all the hope she had lost.


	19. Pretend

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

I look around the room I find myself in when I wake up.

Am I dead?

Is he gone?

Am I alone?

I shake my head and carry on looking around the bright white room, trying to find a way out. Tears run down my pale cheeks when I give up, there is no way out of this place – I could be stuck here forever.

I sink down to the floor and curl up in a tight ball, sobbing as I try to think of how I can get out of here. I want Hotch to hold me in his strong arms and tell me that I am going to be okay, I want him to take me in his arms and kiss me gently and tell me that he never gave up and then I could lie to him and told him I never gave up either.

I would cling into to him and cry into his chest and try and make out like that man have never hurt me, he never raped me. I would try and pretend like I was okay because I don't want to be a victim anymore.

I have been a victim for nine whole months now, I don't want to do it anymore.

I can smile in front of everyone and cry when I am alone.

I can laugh in front of my friends and then sob when I am on my own.

I can pretend.

But here I am alone anyway, there is no point in pretending.

I want to die.

Why can't I just die?

**A/N: Short but meh, it's all I could come up with at the moment. Review anyway, even though there is probably no point because you're all sitting there like, mehh I waited for that?! Basically running out of inspiration for this story, but I am tired so that could be why. **

**Anyway, add me on Twitter, ****/ChellySparkles**

**ChellySparkles =D **


	20. Helping

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Twenty ~ **

**~ Never give up on life, or life will give up on you ~ **

Hotch watched as the pale blonde slowly opened her eyes, groaning a little in pain and discomfort, her hand lifting out for an invisible thing that nobody but Jennifer could see. He sighed and then slowly put his hand on her forehead, whispering words of comfort to her that he knew would do no good.

He could hear her muttering incoherently beneath the oxygen mask as she looked from him to her parents and then back again, her eyes fluttered occasionally – fighting the sleep he knew she wanted to fall into.

He could tell by the look on her face that she didn't actually think she would wake up and she didn't believe that she would ever be found. Hotch had no idea if she ever actually wanted to be found.

He sighed and then put his hand in hers, smiling when she didn't flinch away from his touch, instead her eyes met his and she relaxed a little. He shook his head a little and then brushed some of her hair out of her eyes, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that had found their way down her pale, bruised cheeks.

He watched her from a distance as she was being checked over and he bit down on his lower lip, he could see her body shaking from where he stood and he found himself thinking that she may never be the girl that had left them over nine months ago. She may never be Jennifer Jareau again.

"Do you think she will ever recover from this?" Morgan asked as he walked behind Hotch, putting his hand on his shoulder, trying his best to smile as they both looked at the tiny woman that they could easily mistake for a teenage girl, laying on the hospital bed.

"Honestly?" Hotch sighed,

"I don't think so, I don't know the details of what happened in there but she was there for nine months Morgan." He looked down at the floor, biting back the tears he knew were desperate to fall from his eyes,

"I think she can." Emily appeared next to Morgan, smiling as she looked at her best friend, her parents fussed over her as she smiled at them, trying to ease her own shaking body and assuring them that it was going to be okay now.

"You do?" They all heard the hope in Reid's voice, his eyes lighting up when Emily nodded,

"With our help, and this is JJ we are talking about – she's the strongest out of all of us, I think."

"It's going to take a long time but we will help her." Garcia stood next to Hotch and grinned at him,

"We are going to make sure we are here every single step of the way, she never has to worry about anything like that happening again." Emily smiled at them both and then grabbed Garcia's hand, pulling her towards the woman they had both missed so much.

Morgan, Reid, Rossi and Hotch smiled when JJ reached out for the two women, wrapping her arms around the both of them, laughing when Garcia told a joke, her shaking body finally relaxing when they put their hands in hers, smiling down at her.

Hotch nodded and then bit down on his lip,

"I take back my answer – she's going to be okay." They all nodded before going back into her room, their eyes sparkling when they heard her laugh that they had missed so much. They knew it would take time – but it was going to be okay.


End file.
